I wish to write to you of many things, of all the separate sensations and revelations broken up neatly and chronologically into little boxes, all labeled and fine. I wish to bring some sense of order to the chaos that started some time back in April, or maybe February. Some firm and commanding narrative sensibility, broadcast to the sort who enjoy such stories from me.
It suddenly makes perfect sense to me why I’ve spent the last three nights running watching Batman: The Animated Series, and not just for the superficial comfort of childhood memories. (Otherwise, I would’ve just kept watching Gargoyles!)
No, after spending five months in the intimate company of one who bragged about having the same pych profile as the Joker, and particularly after playing Google detective in obsessive-compulsive fashion (as one does after a romance goes cold and dead), after completing the autopsy of said relationship – I needed a hero to look up to. Gotham’s indefatigable hero.
I wish to write to you of many things. Mind-bending manipulations, female friendships, misanthropic mesmerists, consent vs. coercion, the virtual line between pleasure and pain, different kinds of domination, unbearable male frailty, whether a thing may be considered abuse or incompetence, and how much I didn’t know I didn’t know.
Life is seldom neat. However, Kimi writes again, and like Batman, it gives me a glimmer of hope. She brings wild magic back to the blogosphere. Good, I say.
Hope in new beginnings, I’m finding, is the ultimate form of closure.